What is more alluring ~ the pleasure derived before ~ from the thoughts and thereafter ~ from treading, the forbidden paths Or the pain which comes after ?
Nevertheless, seemingly,no one can bar u from visiting those forbidden paths, of material and mind, to feel that dual rush of pleasure and pain !!
This morning, I saw the waters strewn with the fresh-cut grass and the blown away leaves. And then, in the evening, it was one big flowing,rippling body of molten gold,crystal clear…and in my mind,it substantiated,yet again…that it’s in motion, almost alive ~ ~
On a different note ~ Moving, is one of those things, which u never get used to,no matter how many times u go thru’ the whole process of packing & unpacking. For me, the only part interesting is looking for a new abode….and that comes with it’s usual hitches…a house of ur interest might suddenly become no longer available,leaving u dejected and irritated to go thru’ the process of sifting thru’ the list,shortlisting and shortlisting yet again...
A single word and it makes u wonder what myriads of emotions,thoughts & meanings it can bring about in
Moving is exciting…new place, new people,new opportunities,new life, fresh start…a new promise of a better tomorrow, almost as if the magical touch of an “ undo “ button lets u start afresh with a clean slate ~ ~
Well, it’s better to think of it that way,to block out the pains of discarding,choosing,deciding to take or not to take and what to take,packing and then unpacking…and organizing,assembling…those inescapable chores and drudgeries !!
And then the fear of going away from people u love to socialize with, things u love to do and those specific times of the day when u did them….everything gets topsy-turvy with this one hit of a “ moving “ button…
But still,u move and keep on moving…bcoz that’s the nature of life..moving forward~ towards
The ripples ….big and small ….some persist, some fade away…in the fluid of one’s memory !! I watched the rain-soaked bunches of the royal Poinciana,almost washed off it’s color…the puddles of water everywhere…and the next day, the ducks were so happy !! The dragonflies buzzed around ….the sun shone brightly and the golden waters…with it’s fluid gold ripples,flowing not knowing where it’ll meet it’s end …
Some thing stays with u, however hard u try to erase …Some things stay with u and haunt u pleasantly…with an urge to go back to them again…Things left undone,unsaid,unseen- accomplish them,or places that u shudn't go back to, going back to them …Some days even the twilight,the oncoming dusk,the balcony,the trees,the trilling birds doesn’t take away the weird stifling…Maybe an escapade would do the trick ~ ~
And so I watched Rebecca again…and the concluding part haunted me even more this time. I felt almost foolishly sad ~ there wud be no Manderley for me !! And no such memories where one can escape momentarily ~ memories where one had passed one’s time smelling the azaleas, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks, to the long walks on the lush grounds….No,I can’t smell the azaleas once again…not even in my memories..bcoz there was never a Manderley for me ~ * ~
This misty, foggy day….blurring everything but ur memories are distinct ~ of all those rain-soaked mornings and gloomy afternoons…so much distinct that u even remember clearly that dad and u had a special term for such days. The evenings were gloomy adding to it’s eerie romanticism…of the last drops dripping from the foliage, of the dampness, of the crickets chirping, of the rain lilies-yellow,pink,white~ lining the concrete pathway of ur mom’s garden- the drooping ones, those barely survived the stampede of the harsh, forceful rain and the few strong ones,swaying proudly in the zephyr…and then memories of the newly-formed puddles and muddy footmarks of dad coming home at the end of yet another day at work ~ ~ The creeping vines, full of mist-kissed buds and renewed hopes to bloom sooner and better…
And then, yet so many memories,which keep receding and getting foggier with each passing day…and will disappear suddenly but come mysteriously back one day,maybe…. The signal turns green and u had to keep moving, homeward…with churned-up thoughts and infiltrating the present mist and the fog ~ ~ ~
Sing…. like the sky sings today
Open wide and look…. like the sky ~
The wind breezes thru’ the leaves~ making them to rustle and murmur ….
Breeze thru’ my heart like that wailing wind..and make me cry….
Sing out like that singing sky ~
Take in ….like the all-encompassing ,wide open sky ~
A grill …the instrument which plays a perfect tune to my hungry mind ~ All u need to do is to dress up ur fav or not-so-favorite stuff to eat & throw it on the screaming hot grill….and let it do it’s magic ~ Hear to the music the grill plays for u…the symphony to my ears ~ the sizzle, the crackle and…. the smell, which rounds everything up. And in case u r lucky enough to be the owner of an outdoor grill with a lid… lo and behold~ there’s “ The Marriage of Smoke and Time “ for u ~ I don’t have one but I plan to,bcoz that marriage is one I absolutely do need to perform and preside over !! For the time-being, I’m planning to keep practising on my little indoor grill pan which I hold very dear to my heart ~
I’m not sure if there is any need of a cocoon for anyone other than a Bombyx mori ~ to grow and evolve but then Bombyx mori is a beauty in itself, something unique…and it gives us something whose sole elegance can’t be surpassed by anyone, however majestic the wearer maybe !!
But what about the wishful want of a cocoon during harsh weathers & unfriendly settings ~ a cocoon so beautiful as a silkworm’s !!
Well, the story of a silkworm is a sadness in itself…it spins around itself all these beautiful threads ….a brilliant colored shelter, to survive,grow and evolve …and then when time comes for it to unfurl itself of the envelope and unfold the graceful creature it has evolved into…we pluck them off those white mulberry leaves and ere the proteolytic enzymes are secreted and the moth escapes the cocoon, we boil them …to get unspoiled long delicate fibres, which will later be made into something as refined and elegant as silk….for all those who can afford !!
I read somewhere - Man always kill the things he loves…Man always kill for the things he loves ~ like the silk cocoon…I love silk, don’t get me wrong..but when I think of what goes on behind ....Why to kill something so beautiful, to get something so elegant ? All those silk are tainted with the blood,the burns,the screams and the anguishes of all those scalded silkworms !!
Why not go for alternatives like Ahimsa silk/wild silk & artificial silk ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Something my better-half told me made me think ~ about the mysteries of this world…When a chubby nestling listens to all those stories the grandma-bird tells her, does it wonder like we did as kids ? When granny recollects her memories of flying around, alighting in the boughs of the woodland, of all those tall trees and all those benighted mornings bcoz of all those trees, of amassing food not as time-consuming as today,of all those romantic springtime evenings spent with grandpa in the efflorescence !!
The nestling looks around,half-timid, half-confused…the world outside her nest seemed so bountiful to her, so inviting, so abundantly lush…but now she knows what it used to be like, what she couldn’t get to see ~ When it’ll be her time to tell stories, how will the world outside the nest look like …or an even more scarier thought- Will there be any nest at all ? Grandma said monsters called “ men “ are bringing down all the forests to make places for themselves or building “ highways “ through them…Very soon,they won’t know how to go to the other side or migrate, without getting lost, due to all these
" fragmentations "!!
I’m thinking of those cave paintings~ the ones I came across on our trip to Bhimbetka when I was fourteen as well as the ones I’ve seen in books ~ Like a child drawing in the dirt with a stick, was it yet another leisurely amusement or an expression of the state of one’s mind, of fears, of dreams, of hopes and expectations, of love and life …..Or was it a mode of telling a story, almost like writing a daily journal…whenever something significant happened,whenever there was something they wanted to tell everyone aloud….they painted..which is one of the most beautiful way to articulate the musings of one’s mind ~ Specially because thousands of years later, we see them although we still don’t know what they wanted to tell and why they chose this mode- there is something so clandestine about all this and in what physical and mental state they were in, when they painted !!
And all these paintings, that too with pigments that were part of the earth itself-mineral oxides,leaves,flowers,barks and so on ~ Living in harmony with the mother earth, on which they were so very dependent in their day to day lives…..This rare art form- is it an Arcanum and almost lost …..or do artists know them ?
For all those seeking out the enigmatic world , for those first explorers and discoverers who came across these bewitching caves paintings, they must have felt like finding the Shangri-La !!
What is this with French and being posh ?! Is it just me or are there people belonging to that same club ? There are thousands of languages that one can learn,most importantly Spanish,being in a continent where it is absolutely necessary…But non, one would rather learn French…with absolutely no plans even in the distant future to go to
Well, you have to agree this much …everything sounds so much sweeter,elegant,fashionable when said in French…And every piece of thing, is a thing to die for if it’s from that faraway fairy tale land of France…And perhaps,even if someone abuses you verbally in French, it would sound sweet to your ears !!
Actually, what’s there not to love about
The French films …so quintessence- Juliette Binoche,Gerard Depardieu,Audrey Tatou, …..The Chanel- so expensive and out-of-reach…all so more enticing, the paintings of Renoir…..All so mystifying and enigmatic !!
So …I guess it’s back to where one started…enjoying all that’s French and feigning French…Eh bien, tout le meilleur ( Well then,all the best ) !!
